i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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