am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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