nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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