we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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