Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
