We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
