someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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