i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
