so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
