Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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