Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I cut my penus on the lid.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
