we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
