Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
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Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
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Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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