This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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