I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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