I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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