I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
