grandma shit on top of the toilet
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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