It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
