i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
