Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
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so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
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She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
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