so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
