i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think your dad took our porno
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize