well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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