remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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