I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
