im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
