You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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