I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
