Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
wow bdsm is so cute
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
