dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
