I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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