i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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