I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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