she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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