I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
