She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
