i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
