I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she looked like the before picture.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
