did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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