Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
