Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
