wrigley field is MILF paradise
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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