don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
