This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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