Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
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