i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
