whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
