So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
