Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
