Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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