Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
