That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
