When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
zippers are such a cool invention
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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