dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
