What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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