Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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