please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
