ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
