i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
