that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
