She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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