kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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