even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
