I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
