I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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